A God-fearing man tilting his head towards the backside of a waitress in a restaurant can bring the date to an abrupt end.
Getting arrested by the dashboard of a nurse at a clinic can later induce a migraine from a barrage of questions from the Mrs.
Indeed, though are said to be visual creatures and “eyes have no curtains” the urge to wheel your neck in the general directions of legs, thighs, face and even waistlines that don’t belong to your Mrs like your neck has a flexible bearing which has just been oiled, might rust a relationship, marriage and even plutonic friendships without benefits.
Here are 10 excuses men give when caught ogling red handed…
1. Huyo amenona sana
Men know that women hate being closely connected to fat. Never mind ironically African men love hanging around plump women who often easier, better and more fun game than belligerent rim rod lasses.
So when caught ogling at ‘Akende kanono’ most dismiss the issue with a mumble “huyo amenona sana.”
2. Ngai! amevaa handkerchief!
Women sporting skimpy skirts that are often shorter than the G-string are common fair along Moi Avenue most evenings.
But when caught staring above the knee just mouth Ngai fafa! Si huyo amevaahandkerchief!”
3. Tulisoma pamoja
The conversation can drop after a man has absentmindedly began staring at a cleavage on the far end of a restaurant only for your date to turn and demand “huyo ni ex-wako ama?”without batting an eyelid just say like you’re reading from the book of Malachi: “Huyo tulisoma pamoja…ame change!”
4. I will buy you such heels
African bottoms are often accentuated by high heels such that ‘ziko juu kama haga yagiraffe.’ When caught staring at them there are few ways of diffusing the situation than promising “I will buy you such high heels.”
5. Alikuwa jirani Roysambu
Sometimes the ogling can be incited by the jirani with boobs the size of firm ripe brown mangoes at Mwembe Tayari market.
So when caught staring at them while driving out from that self-selection store in Ruai just apologize “Huyo alikua jirani Roysambu… kitambo before smartphones.”
6. Hiyo perfume inanuka vibaya
Good-looking lasses wafting inviting perfume can be irresistible for any dude even with a kali girlfriend, but when caught following the scent just blubber “Hiyo perfume inanuka vibaya!” and then turn up your negroid nostrils.
7. She resembles my cousin
If that juicy and edible M-Pesa attendant looks like she can make you to break a certain commandment and you can’t help staring at her shoulders with a red bra strap just explain to your fiancé “She resembles my cousin… juu chini!”
8. Hizo ni dawa za River Road
There are those dawas from the Far East known to increase boob and butt sizes for women with malnourished affairs. So when a fisi is caught staring at a well-endowed behind there is no better news that announcing “angalia, dawa za River Road!”
9. Nguo zime mvaa!
Not all women know how to strut in high heels which gives men excuses of explaining why a woman is walking like a ne born calf besides peppering the observation with “na hata nguo zime mvaa…shags-modos!” ,
10. Makeup tupu!
Even without make-up, some lasses can make even chimps thump their chest in compliments but when ogling at such it’s easier to just hate: “hiyo ni makeup tupu!”