One of the greatest ways women hurt the men they love is with their words. Here are a few examples of words you might be speaking to your man that hurt him.
1. Why can't you be like...
The moment you start comparing your man to other men or the husbands of other women is the moment you crush his self-esteem and make him insecure. If you want your man to be better, address him without bringing other men into the picture. Do this by appreciating what he is currently doing as you make suggestions of improvement.
2. My friends were right
Once you demonstrate that you talk badly about him with your friends and you side with your friends. He will begin to withdraw, doubting your loyalty, wondering what gossip about him do you engage in.
3. Pastor says that
It is good to listen to the counsel of your pastor but not to the point where your pastor overrides your husband.
4. You always/you never
Don't speak in a manner that suggests your man has never done anything right just because you want to prove a point to him. Address specific issues, don't conclude everything about him. Don't say "You never do anything right", "You always mess up", if that was the case, you two wouldn't even be together in the first place.
. What kind of man are you?
Many women say this especially when the man is struggling financially, the pressure for a man to always have money is so much and it hurts him even more when you kill him with his words instead of appreciating his effort and encouraging him. Pulling him down will not motivate him.
6. What do you even do in this house?
These are words especially spoken by a proud woman who does the most in the house financially. When she is mad at him, she reminds him that she is the one who does the most. This kind of talk, instead of inspiring him to continue being a partner, it makes him wonder "Why don't I leave you if you see me as a burden and not a partner with different strengths and weaknesses than you". If he leaves, she will regret longing for his company, even though he does not earn more than her.
7. I don't even need you
Once a woman starts saying these words either to win an argument or because she is scared of being vulnerable, the man slowly loses motivation to do anything with and for her. Men love being where they are needed. Love is not for independent people who are self-sufficient and with walls around them, love is for interdependent people who would rather do life with someone.
8. Who is that you are with?
Some women are possessive, they interrogate and micromanage their men. They call their man fishing for information, not to have a conversation. They tell their man, "Hand over your phone to the one you are with I confirm if you are lying". Whilst some men do lie, sometimes it is just the woman's insecurities that drive her man crazy no matter how much he tries to assure her.
9. You will not understand
Some ladies tease their man with a problem they are going through, then when the man out of care seeks to find out about the problem in order to be there for her, she shuts him out saying he will not understand. The man might plead with her to open up, but if she does this often he will just give up and let her be. He can't force her.
10. How many times do I need to tell you this?
Sometimes you will ask a man to do something and you might have to remind him, people are different. But if your way of reminding him doesn't speak love and respect and instead you scold him like a child, he might do what you want but slowly pull away from you.
© Dayan Masinde
In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I help men to understand themselves in a holistic way; their pain, challenges, fears, potential, vision, wealth and character. I also show them how to cultivate friendship in their relationship.
In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I help women to find themselves and find a healthy relationship with self and those around them. I address matters that women go through from sex, money, decisions, emotions to personal growth. I also show women how to cultivate friendship in their marriage.